There is a little girl inside of me who didn't really get to enjoy everything she should of. She got emotionally scarred more than once, her parents ended up in the hospital more than once, she didn't ever really fit in. And sometimes, on nights like tonight, while listening to beautiful waltzes, this little girl comes alive. She wants to be twirled around in a dress, dance and not feel judged for it. Cry tears of pure euphoria because her feet can't touch the ground.
That's probably the one thing I would go back in time and do. I wouldn't be able to change what happened to my parents or to me, but I would go to a time where everything was okay, put on my cute little pink dress my Mom sewed for me before she grew tired and weary, and let my Dad swing me around before his back gave out. I would cherish every moment of that.
I see all those little girls at weddings that get to do just that. I'm just a wee jealous, since the little girl inside wishes things could have been different. I sometimes think that way too, because perhaps the little girl would let me focus more on what needs to be done now. But tonight I'm glad I went through what I did. I learned how to deal with the tough issues early, and now I'm much stronger now. Even though as I type, I'm trying hard not to bawl all over my stupid notes I should be reading.
I'm sure that little girl will one day get her chance to swing around, dress flaring up, the euphoria creeping through every fiber of her being. And when it happens, she won't have to worry about anything bad. I'll make sure she gets her chance to feel that. I promise.
I'm sorry, I'm all emotional and today's just been draining. It feels good to have a cry, though.
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